Jane's Melody Page 15

  “Do you think that a person can go to hell just for wishing someone dead?”

  There was a long pause before Caleb answered her.

  “I think maybe a person’s already in a kind of hell when they feel so hurt by someone that they’d wish them dead.”

  “You have to admit that you hate her too.”

  “I’ll admit she’s impossible to be around. But mostly I just feel sorry for her.”

  Jane lifted her head and looked at him.

  “You do?”

  Caleb nodded.

  “Why?”

  “Because she has this amazing woman for a daughter, and she’s so blinded by whatever demons she’s fighting that she can’t even let herself see it. And because at the end of the day, you’ve got to really hate yourself a lot to run around putting people down all the time.”

  Jane sighed.

  “How’d you get so wise at only twenty-five?”

  “Twenty-four,” he corrected her. “I’ll be twenty-five in July. And I think it comes from watching people.”

  “Do you watch people a lot?”

  “Yeah. I find them interesting. I’ve spent a lot of time on the street playing music, or just sitting around writing songs, and for some reason when I’m there, most people just treat me like another brick in the wall. They go right on being who they really are.”

  Jane propped herself up on her elbow so that she could see him better. He’d ditched wearing that old hat, and she loved the way his thick hair curled around the back of his ears. His eyes seemed an even brighter green now that they weren’t shaded with sadness all the time. It was still there, of course, the melancholy haunting his eyes, but it had somehow sunken to deeper depths, the way a lake might turn over in the spring.

  “Do you like baseball?” she asked

  “I don’t follow it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Do you like chili dogs?”

  “I wouldn’t be an American if I didn’t.”

  Jane turned to read the time on her bedside clock.

  “Well, the devil should be halfway across the Sound on her way to Hades by now. We’d be safe to catch the next ferry.”

  THEY PARKED AT THE TERMINAL—instead of driving onto the car deck this time—and boarded the ferry on foot.

  It was a cold and windy day, but the sky was clear blue and the sun was glinting off the water. They grabbed hot cocoas from the cafeteria and went up and stood out of the wind, watching the passing scenery. There must have been a sailing derby of some sort, and boats crisscrossed in the distance, their colorful sails standing out bright against the white backdrop of Mount Rainier. They watched as a wedding party came out on deck and posed for pictures, the bridesmaids’ hair flailing about wildly in the wind and getting tangled in their elaborate dresses, until they gave up and disappeared as a group into the ferry.

  Jane stood on her tiptoes and kissed Caleb.

  “What was that for?” he asked, smiling.

  “Just because.”

  He pulled her to him and kissed her harder. He tasted like chocolate. Jane looked into his smiling eyes.

  “And what was that for?” she asked.

  “Just because.

  “Just because what?”

  “Just because I love you.”

  Jane smiled.

  “I knew it.”

  The walk to the stadium from the ferry terminal took all of twenty minutes, and it brought them through Pioneer Square and right past the spot where Jane had found Caleb that day. She pointed it out to him, but he just nodded and smiled. They were following groups of fans dressed in home team blue, and Jane stopped to buy them each a Mariners hat from a street vendor so they could show their support, too.

  “You’ve got a big head,” Caleb said, as he sized her hat.

  She snatched the hat away from him.

  “I do not.”

  “Yes, you do. It’s a beautiful head, but it’s big.”

  She punched him playfully on the shoulder.

  They bought bleacher seats from the ticket window and followed the other fans through security and into the stadium. They stopped on the way to their seats and loaded their arms with Red Vines, sodas, and chilidogs. When Jane added a giant bag of popped corn, Caleb laughed and shook his head.

  “I still don’t get why you’re not three hundred pounds.”

  “Hey, now,” she said, “you eat as much as I do.”

  “Yeah, maybe, but I’m out sweating my ass off in your backyard all day.”

  “Well, it’s hard work for me, too. You have no idea how many calories I burn just sitting inside all hot and bothered and worked up over watching you.”

  They found their seats just in time to see first pitch. The open-roofed stadium was protected from the wind, but billowy clouds had blown in and were passing overhead, dappling the green field below with waves of shadow. From their high seats the players looked like toys, and they had to watch on the giant screens to see the batters swing at pitches.

  “Seems kind of funny to come all the way down here just to watch the game on an enormous TV,” Caleb said.

  Jane held up her half-eaten chilidog.

  “You come for these, silly. And the fresh air.”

  “And here I thought you were a fan.”

  Jane laughed.

  “A fan of stadium food.”

  “Well, maybe we should have gotten you a giant chilidog hat instead. Assuming they had one that would fit.”

  “Smart ass,” Jane said.

  Caleb reached over and wiped sauce off her chin with his thumb. Then he leaned in and kissed her.

  The arriving clouds soon blocked out the sun completely, and the stadium lights cast the green field in bright relief against the dark sky. The smells and sounds of baseball wafted softly by: popped corn and spilt beer; the occasional crack of a bat, followed by the cheering crowd. It was cold, but it did not rain. Jane pulled her jacket tight and leaned into Caleb. He put his arm around her. She couldn’t remember a time when she had been happier. She finally felt comfortable in her own skin.

  They cut out in the bottom of the eighth inning, deciding to beat the crowd to the gates.

  “We’re going to regret it if they make a comeback.”

  “From nine to one,” Caleb said. “I don’t think so.”

  With everyone in the stadium, the streets were empty and quiet as they walked back toward the ferry terminal on the pier.

  “Were you ever into sports?” Jane asked.

  “When I was young I spent quite a bit of time running from the local police, if you count that as a sport.”

  “Oh, yeah. Let’s see if you can beat me to that corner.”

  With no further warning, Jane took off running.

  She heard Caleb call after her:

  “Hey, that’s not fair!”

  She was almost to the corner when he overtook her and caught her in his arms and spun her around. Her Mariners hat went flinging off her head. He bent her back like a ballroom dancer might and kissed her deeply. She felt her legs trembling from the exercise, she felt her heart racing from his touch. She couldn’t wait to get him home and get him naked. When he stood her up, a young man handed her back her hat. Before she could thank him, he recognized Caleb, and said:

  “Hey, Caleb. I thought that was you.”

  He was about Caleb’s age, and Jane noticed his group of friends standing not far behind him—two other guys and one girl, all holding cased instruments in their hands. One guitar sat unattended on the sidewalk, and Jane assumed it belonged to the man speaking to them.

  “Hey, Mitch,” Caleb said, shaking his hand. “It seems like it’s been forever. What’s up?”

  “You tell me, bro. Last anyone heard you were crashing at Spencer’s place when he got the boot. Then you fell off the grid. Michelle said you were in Portland. John said you’d finally headed south for Austin with Jeremy.”

  “Jeremy’s in Austin?”

  “Shit, yeah, man. Says he’
s been getting tons of gigs, too. Making some good connections. I’ll forward you his emails, if you want. You still got the same address?”

  Caleb nodded.

  “I haven’t checked them in a long time, but I’ll be sure to look for yours.”

  “Cool,” he said, turning to smile at Jane. “So, who’s this?”

  “Oh, shit,” Caleb said. “I got so excited I lost my manners. This is Jane.”

  Jane reached out her hand and shook his.

  “Nice to meet you,” she said.

  “Equally,” he replied.

  Then he looked at Caleb and smiled slyly.

  “No wonder you’ve been MIA. She’s fucking gorgeous.”

  Caleb squeezed Jane’s hand and smiled over at her.

  “I know. And she’s wicked smart, too.”

  One of his band mates standing behind him cleared his throat loudly. Mitch turned to look at them, then turned back.

  “Fuck. I’d love to catch up more, bro, but we gotta run. We’re playing at the Central tonight.”

  “Paid gig?” Caleb asked.

  “Half the door. Hey, you wanna join us for a few songs? It’s a long set.”

  “Nah. I don’t have my guitar with me.”

  “I’m happy to lend you one of ours.”

  Caleb glanced quickly at Jane, and then shook his head. Jane felt suddenly out of place among them, as if she were the outcast keeping Caleb from being with his friends.

  “I don’t mind,” she said.

  Caleb smiled at her.

  “Thanks, babe. But I’m a little rusty right now anyway. I’ll catch up with you guys some other time, Mitch.”

  “Suit yourself, brother,” he said, jogging back to his friends and picking up his guitar. “I’ll forward you those emails.”

  Caleb smiled reassuringly at Jane, squeezed her hand in his, and pulled her on toward the ferry. He looked back over his shoulder once at his departing friends.

  “You could have gone,” she said.

  “I know it. I didn’t want to.”

  “It seems like you did.”

  “Nah. I just miss music is all.”

  “Seems like maybe that’s not all you miss.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It doesn’t mean anything.”

  Caleb let go of her hand and stopped, turning to face her.

  “You must have meant something by it. You said it.”

  She dropped her head and took a deep breath.

  “I don’t know why I said it. It just seems sometimes like maybe I roped you into this whole thing. With me, I mean. You sure didn’t have much of a choice, did you? And, I don’t know, maybe my mother was right—maybe I’m just too old for you.”

  “That’s stupid, Jane.”

  “Is it? Your friends are heading out to play bars, to have a good time, and I’m dragging you home to boring old family-town Bainbridge Island. You even said yourself you missed the music. And here I’ve got you captive like some kind of kept man. Maybe I am taking advantage of you. I don’t know. I just think we need to face the facts, Caleb. I’d rather do it now than have to do it later. Wouldn’t you?”

  When she finished speaking, he stood staring at her. His eyes were filled with pain again, and maybe just a hint of rage, and she wished he’d just say something. Anything. Tell her that she was wrong. Tell her she was right. Or yell back at her even. A wind rose up and whipped at her hair, and she reached her hand up to hold her hat on her head. She felt like crying. A sandwich wrapper scuttled by; a beer can rolled after it.

  “Aren’t you going to say something?” she finally asked. “Anything at all?”

  “You think you’re taking advantage of me?”

  “I don’t know,” she said. “Am I?”

  He reached out and grabbed her shoulders. She thought for a moment he was going to shake her, but he pulled her close and crushed his mouth against hers. There was a new sense of possession in his kiss, as if he were claiming her right there on the windy sidewalk. And there was a kind of danger in the way he gripped her arms, something she hadn’t felt from him before. It turned her on. When he pulled his mouth away, he looked directly into her eyes, and said:

  “I’m going to take you home and rip these clothes off and fuck the self-doubt out of you. That’s what I’m going to do.”

  She didn’t say a word—she only nodded.

  SHE WAS SO EXCITED that she left the car in the driveway rather than wait for the garage door to open, and the moment they walked into the house he made good on his promise.

  He tossed her hat aside and spun her around in the hallway so that she was facing away from him. He peeled her jacket off. Then he pulled her shirt over her head, cupped her breasts, and kissed her neck. His hands were cold against her skin, and it made her tremble with anticipation. He continued kissing her as he walked her down the hall to the kitchen.

  He stopped her at the table and reached out and swept the dishes aside. She reached behind to feel him, but he took her hands one at a time and planted them palm down on the table in front of her. Then he unzipped her pants and pulled them down, along with her panties. She kicked them off. He pressed a hand onto her naked back and forced her down to the table. She felt the cold tabletop against her cheek, against her breasts. His hands left her back for a moment and she heard his belt unbuckle, then his zipper. She heard his pants fall heavily to the floor. She felt exhilarated and aroused. She tried to turn her head to look at him, but before she could, he grabbed her hips and forced himself inside her. She pressed her cheek back to the table and moaned. He was so hard it almost hurt, and he held nothing back as he rammed himself deep, again and again.

  She felt his hands grip her hips; she heard him panting. His thighs were slapping against her ass, and he began to moan, and the table began to slide an inch with every thrust. It felt good to be possessed—to be taken by a man. She arched her back and pressed herself into him, begging for more.

  She called out his name—

  “Caleb! Oh, God, Caleb. Fuck me, Caleb! Make me yours.”

  He thrust harder, faster, deeper.

  She was teetering between ecstasy and pain. The silverware rattled on the tabletop. A cup fell. A plate crashed to the floor and shattered. She raised her eyes and saw his reflection in the glass of a framed picture—flexed quads, bare ass, strong arms, veiny hands gripping her naked thighs. He was thrusting and sweating and moaning like a wild man. His head was bent, and his hair hung down, covering his face. Her legs began to shake, her fingers curled into fists. She felt herself cumming and she didn’t even try to stop it. She knew he felt it too, because he drove himself to join her with a violent burst of energy that made him scream out her name—

  “Jane! Jane! Jane!”

  When he came to rest inside her, she heard him whimper, almost as if he were crying. She lay still, bent over the table in a state of absolute relaxation that she guessed would beat any drug-induced high. He leaned down and kissed her neck. Then he whispered in her ear.

  “You’re amazing.”

  Her lips curled back into a smile.

  “And you’re an animal.”

  She opened her eyes and noticed that the table had moved several feet before coming to rest against the wall. The kitchen window was bare to the world, and had anyone walked by they would have seen right in. The thought made her feel naughty.

  He pulled free, gently stood her up, and turned her around to face him. Then he kissed her tenderly.

  “You okay?”

  She nodded.

  “Never felt better, actually.”

  “Good. Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll clean up here. Be careful, there’s broken glass.”

  She kissed him one more time. Then she left her clothes where they lay and tiptoed toward the hall. She stopped to look back at him, standing sweat-drenched and naked in the middle of her kitchen, catching his breath after rocking her world.

  “You really don’t think I’m too
old for you?”

  He shook his head.

  “I don’t ever think about it at all. And neither should you. You’re perfect, Jane. And I love you.”

  She smiled.

  “You had better put something on that hot body of yours before you give the neighbors a show. The goat won’t get you out of this one if the cops show up again.”

  Chapter 17

  BACK TO REALITY—that was her Wi-Fi password.

  When Caleb asked for it the next day so he could check his messages, she paused for just a moment before giving it to him. She hated herself for being afraid, but she was

  Fortunately, she had little time to worry.

  The following weeks were busy ones for Jane. Now that she was back on her company’s radar, they were sending her appointments back to back. There were a lot of new changes in the health insurance world, and she spent more time explaining them to people than she did actually selling them anything. But she enjoyed the distraction nonetheless, and what little money that she did earn would be a welcome change from the months of withdrawals she’d been making from her savings.

  Every morning when she woke, the grass that Caleb had seeded was a little thicker than the day before. It started as just a hint of light green clinging to the dark soil, and quickly grew into sparse but unmistakable blades of Kentucky Bluegrass, chosen for her by Caleb because he said it reminded him of the color he saw when he heard her voice. She picked out a stone fountain from the hardware store, and Caleb installed it in the center of his island flowerbed, but they decided to wait until he finished the yard before officially testing it.

  On a Saturday after her meeting, Jane came home to find her bicycle gone and Caleb gone with it. She assumed he was over at Mrs. Hawthorne’s place. She walked the yard alone, inspecting his progress, her only company the silly old goat, idly chewing its hay and staring at her from its fenced enclosure.

  She reached over the wire and scratched its head.

  “Looks like he’s almost finished, doesn’t it, Bill?”

  “Bbhhhaaa!”

  She hadn’t expected an answer.

  “You think he’ll leave?” she asked.

  The goat cocked its narrow head and looked at her, its ears moving slightly, as if it were trying to understand her question.